The March Hare

Let's face it people; I am not a performer. It may seem like I would be good on stage because I talk a lot, and loudly, and am prone to sweeping gestures that destroy any and all breakable objects in the region of my arms. I have very little shame, but that does not make me a thespian.

Dress rehearsal for 'Anatomy' took place last night, and my friend, the choreographer Stella Hyland, told me that she would 'really, really like it if you memorized the poetry'. What? No! Didn't I just explain that I don't do that, that I will get very, very nervous and forget everything? I will paste my poems into a composition notebook and I will read them, goddammit, and when I get to the parts I know really well I will look up at the audience and try to speak them soulfully. Except that I'm not mic'ed, so I will be screaming them soulfully, and probably delivering some upper-respiratory distress to the front rows.

During this performance, I have to move in and out of a spotlight on the stage. This sounds easy. I even have a piece of glowtape so that I can see where I need to stand. But there is nothing more painful than taking perhaps ten steps to remove oneself from the sight of an audience while silence swirls around you. It's never dark enough to hide your shameful retreat.

My original idea was to record myself reading the poems, and just have the sound people play it back at the appropriate moments. Why, why couldn't that have happened?

I am not a performer. I like to sit in a room by myself and type things. This is what I am good at, and I think we all need to accept that fact.