Friday, April 14, 2006
Deception
It was a sin of omission.
I didn't want to tell anyone because I'm already seen as more than a little unbalanced for riding a scooter around town. If I told anyone, but especially Clurg, that I had a wreck on my scooter, I didn't think I could bear the disapproval.
So, I kept it to myself, arranging how to pay the lady I hit for her damages without anyone getting wise. And it was all working out fine, until yesterday.
I was at work and the lady came by. Clurg was home. While she didn't state the purpose of her visit, it would have been ridiculous for me to believe that Clurg would never question why this strange lady came looking for me. I played it off for as long as I could, but eventually, I had to confess.
Dishonesty is not my forte. I can come up with excellent, plausible lies, but implementing them is something else entirely. I could never conduct an illicit affair for the simple reason that I cannot imagine not telling people about it. I have no secrets and very little sense of secrecy, something which has horrified my father as he's read this blog. Even when I deliberatley try to be secretive, by going off by myself and doing things on my own and then not telling anyone about what I've been up to, I feel a blush of shame. If you can't share it, then there's something inherently wrong with what you've been doing, even if you just wandered around Target for a few hours or drove across town and back. Suddenly, it's shameful; otherwise, why would you keep it to yourself?
I didn't want to tell anyone because I'm already seen as more than a little unbalanced for riding a scooter around town. If I told anyone, but especially Clurg, that I had a wreck on my scooter, I didn't think I could bear the disapproval.
So, I kept it to myself, arranging how to pay the lady I hit for her damages without anyone getting wise. And it was all working out fine, until yesterday.
I was at work and the lady came by. Clurg was home. While she didn't state the purpose of her visit, it would have been ridiculous for me to believe that Clurg would never question why this strange lady came looking for me. I played it off for as long as I could, but eventually, I had to confess.
Dishonesty is not my forte. I can come up with excellent, plausible lies, but implementing them is something else entirely. I could never conduct an illicit affair for the simple reason that I cannot imagine not telling people about it. I have no secrets and very little sense of secrecy, something which has horrified my father as he's read this blog. Even when I deliberatley try to be secretive, by going off by myself and doing things on my own and then not telling anyone about what I've been up to, I feel a blush of shame. If you can't share it, then there's something inherently wrong with what you've been doing, even if you just wandered around Target for a few hours or drove across town and back. Suddenly, it's shameful; otherwise, why would you keep it to yourself?
