The March Hare

My friend Stella just came over. We rode bikes together, and she accompanied me on a few errands. In the course of this, she mentioned a photograher friend who wishes to hone his craft with some more 'artistic' photographs, and who expressed a desire that Stella, in his words, 'get him some girls'. Because he said he wanted unusual-looking girls, she immediately thought of me.

I don't know how to react to that. What is 'unusual', exactly? I said I'd do it and all, because hey, naked pictures. But I'm 'unusual'? And if he doesn't call, does that mean that I'm too 'unusual' or not enough? And what if he takes the pictures and I see them and then I have a crisis because I will actually know what I look like without any clothes on? (I prefer to pretend that I'm clothed at all times, even if I'm not.) And will they really be artistic? Does he have an airbrush?

Stella implied that if he does agree to photograph me sans jeans and sweater, then he really is looking for something in the nature of art rather than just pictures of pretty girls. Hey! What the... so if it's me, it's art, and if it's someone more attractive, it's porn?

This spirals into my life-long discussion of girlhood, in which looking 'attractive' is a reason for being. Yes, I wear makeup, buy nice clothes, paint my nails, etc. But I'm not looking to "catch a husband" with my eyeliner. I am really okay with the way I look, until someone tells me that I look like I've lost a few pounds when I haven't, which makes me wonder why they were weighing me in the first place.

I catch myself doing it, too; checking girls out and comparing them with myself. And then I want to slap myself around the face. But I think too few people have that reaction to their own judgements.

In conclusion, I think that if the photographer doesn't call to take some nudie shots, I was a little too unusual for him.