The March Hare

What makes me say this? you think. Some people look ridiculous in hats. True, I'll admit; but only because they're ridiculous hats.

Because I choose my hats with great care, there is a massive difference in the way people treat me when I wear a hat. I could be wearing the most horrible arrangment of clothes on the rest of my body (something I do frequently and unintentionally), but if I top it with the right hat, people run up to me to tell me how lovely I am. Once, wearing a hat earned me forty dollars as a hatted artists' model.
At other times, I've noticed that people who would normally look around the room for someone more important will actually hold a conversation with me when I'm wearing a hat. At other times, folks just pay more attention to what I am saying when I have a hat on my head at the time. Which can be a good or a bad thing, depending on how intoxicated I happen to be.
Normally, I look pretty goofy, and I'll be the first to admit it. Sometimes, when I greet customers at the restaurant where I work, I see a look of stunned horror at my big pale smiley face. It's just too much to take in all at once. A hat pulls the attention away from my cartoon-y looking self, allowing the viewer to take their time and get acclimated to the terrain.

In bygone days, people put on a hat as a matter of course when leaving the home or office. A hat was more than an occasional accessory; it was a part of your identity. You would naturally take a man in a bowler hat more seriously than you would just another bald guy. Just as a lady in a lovely cloche looks much more dressed than one with dry, overprocessed hair.

Let's start a hat renaissance.