The March Hare

I bought six pair in different colors, all the same style. I currently have light blue, pale pink, khaki, and lavender. So, my question is, where did turquoise and hot pink go?

I don't take my underpants off in strange places. I take them off at home and put them in the hamper where they belong. From there they make the short trip to the washing machine, then the dryer and then they usually sit on top of the dryer until I feel guilty enough about my slovenly ways to put them away. Four pairs have survived this treatment for two months now. Turquoise and Hot Pink are MIA.

It must be terrible to be a pair of underpants. I can fully understand that it's no way to live. But underpants can't move of their own volition, so I have to rule out the possibility that they've taken their own lives. Has someone been stealing my underpants? The only option would be Clurg, and they would look terrible on him, he just can't pull off hipster bikinis and he knows it. My dog Lucy is a known underpant-thief, but she is not good at hiding the evidence of her treachery, and I haven't found any underpant scraps about the house.

Will my underpants continue to go missing until I am left with nothing? I'm not comfortable with that. I was planning to splurge on a WIFI card for my laptop, but I guess that money will have to go to underpant replacement instead.

Hot Pink and Turquoise, if you're reading this: please come home.